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gooseliver14
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Name: Autumn (otter)
Birthday: 10/20/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: I love to hang out with my buds in band...and to play my flute. I love to go shopping, even when i am broke (all the time). I know it sounds weird but I LOVE SCHOOL!!!
God is the love of my life and I love Jebus...because he died for my sins, and the sins of the world! I love going to church and Youth Group.
Expertise: Most of you guys dont know this but i have a 6th sense. When i drive, i know when the traffic lights are going to turn yellow, and i know when the bell is going to ring before it does at school. What can i say, i am just good like that.
I'm pretty stinkin' good at kung fu fighting. And if anyone disagrees with me, I will karate chop them down to China Town (the one in China, not San Fransico).
Oh and i am pretty good with being friendly to eldery people. What can i say, the old people like me!
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
AIM:  gooseliver13
Yahoo:  autiecakes1
Member Since:
4/19/2005
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| Christ is powerful.
There is hope, even when you think there isnt. God makes you strong. Always remember this.
Its getting mega close to the anniversary of my mi mi sharrons death.
She didnt have a choice whether she died. She was a strong lady, even through all she had gone through in her life. Most of which most people shouldnt ever have to go through. She stuck through it. She was my hero. She is the one i hope to grow up to be like. I miss her so much. I pray that she knows how much i love her, and appreciate her.
Think of people who have it worse.
There are lots.
-In Christ-
Autumn
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| No one uses xanga anymore. It kind of makes me sad. But, i am bored. So i will be lame and write on it.
My life is pretty ok. ALOT of things have been going wrong. But i have comfort knowing it will all be ok sooner or later. because i have Jesus. I wonder what people look for comfort that dont have Jesus. Must be pretty depressing.
I found out yesterday that my dad has a hernia. What the crap is that? I dont know. Tear in the muscle or diaphram or something. He thinks he is going to die. I am worried. Sincerley. My Mi Mi's birthday was on Saturday. She would have been 63. I miss her. So..much. I cant even comprehend the fact that she died. She isnt here for us to celebrate her birth. The last birthday present we got her before that dark Easter afternoon that she had her stroke, was a Hugo (a walker) . So she could walk down to the Apiscolple Church. She never got up the courage to go there. She used it to walk around her house. She loved that thing. We brought it to the hospital with her so when she got up and running she could use it. Little did we know, she would never get out of that bed again. The saddest thing is to look in my garage, and see her walker. She didnt need it. She was in perfect condition. Her death opened my eyes a tad. What if i die when i am 62? Her grandmother died, her mom died, and she died from a stroke at age 62. I am terrified.
And if this wasnt enough, everyone is changing. My sister, the quiet, shy girl i once knew, is not the same. She says she is in love, so that makes it alright. Will she wear white at her wedding? She told me that i wasnt invited, since i spoke out when my parents were afraid. i told her she was living in sin. And for that, i wont be able to visit her children. Every where we go, we fight. I end up crying, and wanting to move as soon as possible.
But, like i said. Life is ok. Because i have my Jesus. And he is the one that can make everything right.
This is the end of my writing. I almost put a heart, but i decided. A heart cant be discribed with an arrow and a three. just because i put that makes you think, oh there is a heart. But isnt a heart So much more than that? Its everything we are. Everything we believe in. Its our very soul. I dont want to throw that around.
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| "God, You have a funny way of dealing with someone. You wanted my time. I turned away. You demanded my time, my thoughts, my prayers. You know what I gave you? Nothing. None of the above. When I responded to you like that, you punished me. Well, not punished...abruptly showed me what was right. When someone didnt talk to me, so i didnt think about this someone anymore. When i went out with another someone, you showed me the wrong stuff with him. That he was COMPLETELY wrong for me. because you wanted my time. All of it. Because you are the one that will never pass away. you will always be here. thank you for that God. You are so..SO amazing. You are my one and only. Why did I let my guard down for them Lord? Why? I let them control my life. You are my life. But God, can you please send me someone? To help me with my struggles. Someone who has a strong relationship with you. But God, I am doing NOTHING to make this happen. In your time. Its in your hands. In Jesus' name i pray. Amen."
^Prayer i wrote in my journal tonight. My prayer from the deepest part of my heart.
I am content with my life.
God has given me a joy that no one else can.
<3
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| Wow. These few months i must say...have had to be the most difficult in my entire life. I have had so much...stress in my life. I am just ready for it all to end. Like one day and i can wake up knowing that my family is gonna be together forever. My sister is not gonna be hurt anymore. I'm not going to be hurt. My family is going to be civil. We dont have to wonder how we are going to make it to the next week without having any money. Where i can wake up and be completely happy. I have asked for advice. All i get from people is "pray, God will help you in the end". Let me tell you something. I have been praying for the last year continually. It hasnt changed. My family still fights. More actually. They fight constantly. I really doubt if they will be together forever. And my sister, gracious. Where to begin. She cares so much for a man who doesnt give a care for her. I am tired of giving my simpathys when he doesnt call her, or when he ignores her for no good reason, but then, the next couple weeks he talks to her again. AND BOOM, there ya go. BACK TOGETHER. She is willing to forgive him. No matter what. I have no idea what a stable relationship is, and i think thats why i am having so much trouble. I dont know what a normal "functional" relationship is, so therefore, i dont have one. Have you ever thought that maybe since i havent been doing anything right in the eyes of God, then he punishes me. What else is the reason? EVERYTHING is going absoultley wrong. I dont know how to cope with it.
You know what helps me? Knowing someone is praying for me. Someone just told me that, and it lifted a burden off my shoulders. I may not be able to deal with it..but i know my friends can take this and help me.
please help me.
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| Ah, first snow of the season. For some reason...i am not liking it too much. I am usually so excited about the snow, ect. But this year..no way jose. I dont really know how to explain it. But when you feel kinda crappy, everything (even the good stuff) feels kinda crappy. The only thing GRRREAT right now in my wonderous life is my friends. I love them so much. I feel so out-of-the-loop nowadays. I havent had just a good...talk, ya know? Or a good hang out, where i can just like...get all the details...of everything. It would be fun. I need to have a christmas party. I would be...like, amazing. I would decorate...EVERYTHING. Like..my whole inside of my house would be covered in lights. I know, it sounds puuuurrrrttty spiffy eh? Well guess what, if you are cool enough to read this, then you are cool enough to come. So do it. I dont know when i will have it, sometime VERY soon. Like, before christmas. ha. I have been extra bored lately. There just nothing to do. I sit at my house, do nothing, except get on the computer. Thats all my life consists of. Besides school of course, which stinks like socks. DIRTY ONES. Its just uninteresting. Sometimes i wish i could like, change schools, just to switch it up a bit. I am planning on doing this next year and going to Prairie Grove. I broke this news to my parents. Lets just say...they werent happy. At all. All they care about are my stupid grades and me getting into the best college. But what they dont understand is my whole life IS NOT my college i go to. Its the people i meet along the way. Now please, dont get me wrong. I love the people at FHS, all of my friends are there, ect ect. But i feel like FHS is having the worst effect on me. The way i think, the way i act. I feel like i need to get away from it. The only way to do this, is transfer schools. My parents say, "How are you going to deal with University of Arkansas if you cant deal with Fayetteville Highschool?" But what they dont understand is, right now, i have no idea where life is going to take me. They need to let me make my own desicions right now. So, yeah. The main idea of this..is...i miss every single one of you. Come to my christmas party. Tee hee. <3 | | |
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